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"Y-y-you mean you're not actually bandits!?" Leo gasped at this shocking new revelation. "But wait... first, you waylay us on the road, then you have your men surround us with trained precision, only to threaten us with a rude demeanor as you search our wagon for goods. Additionally, you even seem wary of 'heroes.'" The writer leveled a suspicious stare at the man before him. "Are you sure you're not actually a bandit? It's not very healthy to deny your own existence, you know," Leo continued. "Don't worry, I get it. Times are hard. I won't judge. But still, you claim to be the Church's Knighthood?"

"I've heard the tales," the writer began, his eyes staring distantly, in apparent awe of the recollection. "A knighthood filled with only the greatest men and women the realm has to offer. Each individual, a paragon of strength and generosity; their actions such that, at times, they bring even heroes to shame." Therefore, Leo balked. "Such great people would have little reason to harass a poor traveling duo. Indeed, if it was really the highly-acclaimed Church's Knighthood that had accosted us, not only would they have merrily sent us on our way by now, but they would have even refilled our meager wagon with the supplies and riches to help us get back on our feet. Such is their greatness," Leo finished wistfully. "How great it'd be to actually meet one in the flesh."

"As for the lady in the back, I've not yet given up hope no matter how desperate the situation may be. I may currently lack the funds and the expertise, but I will find treatment for her contagious disease!"

"Oh sure, first you demand silence and now you wonder why I'm not speaking," the writer shook his head with an audible sigh. "Bandits these days... and like I said, we've nothing left worth stealing, but please don't take my word for it! I only ask that you not disturb the lady. She's suffered enough as it is."

The writer didn't know why the bandits suddenly wanted him silent but he acquiesced nonetheless! However, immediately afterwards, they began asking him questions. Were these bandits daft? "Mmm, mmmm!" Leo desperately tried to answer while keeping to their demand of 'silence.'

"We surrender. oh great and powerful bandits-that-apparently-worship-the-Goddess-Of-Light!" Leo exclaimed back. as he slowed the wagon to a stop. "However, we've already been robbed not ONCE but FOUR distinct times, each time losing a precious Waggy to those most fiendish bandits that... that I'm sure you lot are nothing like!" The writer espoused, as he swept his hand to indicate the sole remaining Waggy and the bedridden girl left atop it. "As you can see, we've nothing left worth taking, therefore won't you please let my people go?"

"Alas, poor Waggy the Fifth, how tragic a fate that doth beset thee," Leo continued, as he glanced at his blissfully blistery companion. "But really now, Rizzy, I hope your acting's as good as your looks!"

Still waiting till riders.

Leo's simply aiming to have the pie add fake blisters to Liza's face after he throws it at her so a simple [Disguise] or [Perception Altering] effect is the goal.

The writer shrugged. "It's worth a try. Then, one order of blister pie coming right up!『Summon Food』," he gave the command, this time willing for the creation of one pie so dastardly, so fiendish, and so precious that it would temporarily add fake blisters when applied directly to the forehead. Now, whether or not it had a sufficient effect remained to be seen. however...

"It's... beautiful," Leo spoke in awe, then he threw it at Liza.

"Lucky you," Leo grinned. "As for an excuse, just make something up! Have the world tremble at your magnificent schemes! Let us all stand in awe of your great merchanting skills! You are a merchant, right?" The writer tentatively asked. "But if you need some pointers from a non-merchant such as I, then I'd advise you act like you're under some strange and hard-to-detect curse, one where your skin burns when in contact with air and your throat stings whenever you try to speak. Once I explain the situation as such to such ardently law-abiding citizens such as they, who can blame you if you cover your face and try not to speak?"

"Shifting? You really use some strange and wonderful words, you strange and wonderful person, you. As for my 'food ability,' I have no clue. The first time I used it was shortly after we met," the writer casually remarked before his eyes suddenly narrowed into thin slits. "Except you seem too overly-preoccupied with the little fox, and while I'll politely choose not to question your unique preferences, I'll still ask that you keep your hungry stare away from the little critter. You're beginning to scare it - and me as well."

"Still, if the only problem is with them seeing your lovably pie-stained face, then quickly cover up that offending body part and later find some excuse to keep it covered, a simple matter for the great Liza Hearts, right?"

"If you'd like, I can even help cover your face with another pie, free of charge!" Leo was beaming.

"I bet you do! However, there's no need to thank me, dear lady, for it is only natural that you receive aid from a hero such as I!" The writer proudly remarked, as he set down the fox beside him in order to take the reins from the overgrown Liza.

"I'm glad you liked the pie though. It might make for a good starter dish after all and look," Leo pointed at the after-effects still visible on the lady's face. "It even doubles as a ranged projectile! Therefore, we can sell it to farmer and soldier alike! Then, with twice the potential customers, we'll rake in twice the profit! Truly, an ingenious plan."

Leo then shifted more of his attention onto his companion in order to gauge her reaction to his undeniable ingenuity, thus he finally realized that she had been staring at him intently all this time. "What, already fallen for my charm and dashing good looks? Too bad, I already have someone I like."

"More importantly, Lizalee, how good are you at ad-lib? Also, you missed a spot."

Leo will just be calmly awaiting their impending doom, while occasionally telling Liza that she missed a spot.

"How cold-blooded...," the writer replied with an exaggeratedly hurt expression. "But that really begs the question: whatever happened to Waggies 1 through 4? Did you eat them, Lizzy..?" Leo gasped. "Don't tell me you actually did!? Waggies are bad for you, Liz-Liz! It's no wonder you act the way you do! You might've heard the phrase that a Waggy a day keeps the doctor at bay, but that's just plain wrong!"

"After all, you are what you eat and you don't want to become a Waggy now, do you? Therefore, you must avoid the temptation, Lizalala! Do not give in! You will struggle and you will hurt, but you must stop yourself from eating your poor Waggies! I mean, think about it from their perspective! What may be a delicious snack for you is an apocalyptic event for them! When you deprive those pitiable Waggies from their delectable Waggy families there is much weeping and gnashing of Waggy teeth! I could go on and on about the many reasons why you shouldn't be eating your Waggies, Lizalulu, but you should probably be covering your face right about now. They're getting real close - and they haven't been eating their Waggies."

Leo grinned dangerously back at her.

"How was the pie, by the way?"

"Church, state, or Lizard, huh?" Leo pondered the decision. "Guess I'll be sticking with you after all, Lizzy, my scale-free reptile! The whole indentured servant thing really does you no favors though. Why, there use to be a time when people actually asked nicely for things they wanted. You'd hear 'die please' and 'kindly go to hell' from people on a routine basis and while these folks might be of the unsavory sort, at least they asked nicely. At the very least, it was nicer than a certain girl extending a hand out to shake then suddenly... manacles."

"Ah. the good ol' days, how I miss thee," the writer fondly reminisced. "Still, that's neither here or there now, is it? What's here is a wagon and if you're able to ki it like you did with yourself, we can light-speed it out of here in a flash. Of course, driving would be a real pain then and you'll likely crash, but hey, it can't be much harder than flying, can it?"

"Alternatively, -oh look how close they've gotten!- you can always let them come. Would they have any means of distinguishing the summoned from the common folk? If not, then I'll just pass off as either your friend or relative. Then -hey, they can probably see us from here!- we can tell them of that suspicious 'summoned hero' who rode off before us."

"There's a few other tricks left too, but first, -I'm gonna wave!- how about some input from our lovely lady?"

Eh, just make whatever rolls are needed then. In this case, we can just tack on another 3 perception rolls if needed.

The writer vigorously nodded. "Best. Power. Ever." He proudly spoke before promptly hopping onto the wagon himself. "As for the fox pup, it just couldn't bear to keep away from me - sorta like you but without the manacles." Thus, it wasn't long before Leo found a nice comfy spot for himself on the surprisingly spacious wagon. "Now this is nice. No crazy ki-powered ambushes, no pies flying in self-defense, and no wolves trying to fly... that was amazing by the way. It's absolutely shocking how tranquil things can be when you're not trying to capture the people around you." Leo grinned. "Anyways, here I am answering your questions while you've yet to answer one of mine!"

"In return, why don't you teach me that cool 'ki' thingy you were doing? And you still haven't gotten back to me about that potential partnership, but more importantly..."

Though hardly much time passed after the two had gone on the wagon, or perhaps precisely because not much time had passed, Leo had to turn seriously towards his newfound traveling companion and ask:

"Are we there yet?"

Perception:

Rolled 1d20-1 : 17 - 1, total 16

"Easy there, tiger... lizard.. wolf," the writer appeased his would-be captor, as he picked up the fox and began petting it for a job well done. "So I take it you're in the business of capturing aspiring young heroes, then? My, how heroic of you. You must make the world a better place! By chance, did you ever meet any hero as dashing or as gallant as I? ...In the first place, what made you think I was a so-called hero in the first place?"

Leo grinned while making his way over to the wagon he swore wasn't there before. "If you ask me, I think you were ripped off. Remember how I tried to at least net you a discount and Mr. Shady guy immediately tried to run away? That's a sign of people ripping other people off."

"But fret not, my reptilian comrade!" Leo appeased the Lizard once more. "For I was actually thinking of opening up a restaurant with this here little gift of mine, however starting up without the proper connections would be absolutely infuriating - and you know how great that feels! Naturally, I wouldn't want to feel anything like that at all!"

"Thankfully, I managed to overhear something about you and your many connections: something about having more connections than the pope had little boys? Hah, that's more connections than there are stars in the sky! So, how about it - my food and your connections? Together, we'll conquer their stomachs, then their wallets, then the world!"

"If things go well, then we'll be swimming in countless coins of gold-pressed platinum, making your initial investment seem as nothing in comparison!"