Ella's Dark/Depressing Themed Poems

[Ella]

I'm gonna post bunches of my dark/depressing themed poems in this thread. I can't remember when I wrote most of them, but I can say they're mostly from my middle and early high school years (2002-2007). A lot of them haven't been typed up, either, so I'll come back through and add more in later on.



Poems Made Before 2006
Beautiful Sadness
Because
Death
Death By & By
Death is Where We Shall Meet
Eleanora's Gravestone
Flying Free
Hard Life
Her Soul
If I...
I Need You Always
It Comes Not
I Will Never Realize
Losing You
My Beloved Horse, Tasha
My Dreams
My Problem
My Shell & My Soul
Our Friend
See That Girl?
Slain Love
Sleeps Forever-More
Something Good for You
This Child
Today is the Day
Who Am I?

Poems Made in 2007
Depression
My Heart is Oblivious
They

Poems Made in 2008
We All Know

Poems Made in 2009
(To be Added)

Poems Made in 2010
(To be Added)

Poems Made in 2011
Poison of the Mind

Poems Made in 2012
(To be Added)

Poems Made in the Future
(Not Yet Made)



All poems posted in this thread belong to me, Danielle C. Gates (aka Eleanora Hoshi).
Copyright ? 2012 Danielle C. Gates (aka Eleanora Hoshi)

[Ella]

Poems Made Before 2006

Beautiful Sadness
by Ella Hoshi

So beautifully blue
Deep and round
With green streaks
Thrown around

Eyes like the sea
Stare right through me
Soft and dreamlike
Yet, tears I see

Such wonderful eyes
Though I wish I could have blocked
All the hardships they have seen
Now the tears can?t be stopped

Red as a rose
Soft and full
Dreamy in their own way
But makes me drool

Lips delicate like dragonfly wings
Quiver and shake
The tears flowing down them
Are not fake

Because
by Ella Hoshi

Why?
Why did you move me to this hell?
Don?t you know that it is killing me?
Don?t you realize that I have no more reasons to live for?
How could you do this to me?
How do you expect me to survive?
Because of you, my love will forget about me.
Because of you, I never leave my room.
Because of you, I am depressed.
Because of all these things, I am dieing.
I have nothing to live for anymore.
Not you,
Not my pets,
Not my friends,
Not my family,
Not even my dreams.
Because of you, everything I once had is now gone.

Death
by Ella Hoshi

Screaming silently in its pain
Crying tearlessly with no stain
Gripping tiredly to get no gain

This is the way of a dieing soul

Fighting by shear strength of will
Struggling with no real skill
Weakening by a nasty ill

This is the way of dieing flesh

Reaching out with hope asunder
Running out only to be hit by thunder
Knowing that soon they?ll all go under

This is the way of a caring friend

Death, By & By
by Ella Hoshi

~Year by year,
I sleep more in the day.
But during the night,
Awake I stay.

~Month by month,
I lose my talents.
I can barely, now,
Make tea with mints.

~Week by week,
I am slowly dieing.
But you will only notice,
The minute you start crying.

~Day by day,
I sit alone.
Not even caring,
To answer the phone.

~Hour by hour,
This thought comes to my brain.
It even comes,
When there is no rain.

~Minute by minute,
I write each line.
Life shall soon no longer,
Be mine.

~Second by second,
I say goodbye.
To bad none of you knew,
Everything in my life was a big fat lie.

Death I Where We Shall Meet
by Ella Hoshi

Everyday of my life,
I get closer to Death
Sometimes, Death tries to claim me
But for some reason,
I always get brought back
I know you didn?t notice,
But soon you shall know,
Death wants me; she wants me now
Death wants to caress me in her cold arms
She will never give up
And when she gets me,
She will never let go
Death wants me; he wants me now
Death wants to watch over me
He wants me at peace
And when he gets me,
He will never let me be at unease
A lot of things are killing me,
More than you can count
Soon I shall submit to Death
And nothing will bring me back
But Death is where we shall meet
Free and at peace
Death is where we shall meet

Eleanora?s Gravestone
by Ella Hoshi

Her soul had one thing
That no one could take.
But it needed something
That nobody could give.

What was born from the wind
Now flies with the wind.

(Can be shortened to: Flying Free Forever-more.)

Flying Free
by Ella Hoshi

I visited her grave today
I never went that day
My soul died that day
When I found her lying there
So cold and lifeless
She had so many dreams
But only one true wish
Since she left
I have lived my life
They way she would have lived hers
All her dreams
They became mine
All her pains
They became mine
I took up what she worked so hard to become
I am finishing
What her life started
Never once
Did I have enough courage
To visit that place
Where you all contributed
A special memory of her
Not until today
I wanted to thank her
For introducing herself to me that day
She helped me to become
The very thing I am now
And the way I have thanked her
For helping me
Is by finally granting her only true wish
I have let go of the one part of her
That I vowed would always be close to me
I have granted her only wish
Her only true dream
Yes, her ashes are Flying Free.

Hard Life
by Ella Hoshi

Since you do not know what is wrong with me,
I will try to tell you, but not over tea.

Due to all the problems in my life
I am forced to deal with this strife.

To escape, I created my own world
At first people thought it a dream world.

Soon it became a book
But nobody thought to actually look.

I grew up believing I was a reincarnated princess,
Close to becoming a grand empress.

Nobody has ever noticed
I doubt they would even if it was posted.

Her Soul
by Ella Hoshi

~Crying, crying, forever crying
Her soul is crying
A scar cut so deep
She feels like just dying

~Searching, searching, forever searching
Her soul is searching
A love to find
She needs him loving

~Sleeping, sleeping, forever sleeping
Her soul is sleeping
A sleep from the pain
She hides from the slaying

If I? (Full Version)
by Ella Hoshi

If I could be anything I wanted,
I would be a bird.

To sore through the sky,
Freedom would be mine.
To live where I wanted,
To do what I wanted,
To watch the world below me.

But, if I could do anything I wanted,
I would leave this prison of a body.

Then, I could soar through space,
Swim through the sea,
Crawl in the Earth,
And, fly through the sky.

I Need You, Always
by Ella Hoshi

Why can?t you see
The pain inside me

Why can?t I show
What I want you to know

Why can?t you look into my eyes
And tell me what you spy

Why can?t I tell you
What I want to tell you

Why can?t you see
Why can?t I show
Why can?t you look
Why can?t I tell you

The pain inside me is breaking me down
What I want you to know is something you don?t
And tell me what you spy, for I wander what it is
What I want to tell you is?is?is?

I can?t take it any longer,
I think I just might burst,
I want you to notice,
That I need you to help me,
I need you to notice,
That I need your love,
I need you to notice,
That all I need is your time?

I just need you to spend more time with me

It?s hurting me,
Can?t you see?
All I need is you

I love you,
But you are losing me,
You are losing me

Please, promise to come back someday?
Maybe another time,
Or maybe today

I need you, always.

It Comes Not
by Ella Hoshi

My friend, you ask
?What troubles you so??
And I answer not
You look into my deep blue eyes
But an answer you find not
I pain in a way no one could ever understand
My life leads somewhere
But I care not
My friends are my treasures
Yet you care not
I have everything I should want
Except the thing I seek
Death would answer all my prayers
All my dreams
All my wishes
I wish for death
Yet it comes not
I chase it day
I chase it night
Yet it comes not
Why does it come not?

I Will Never Realize
by Ella Hoshi

I don?t think I will ever realize
How short our lives can be.

I have heard it once and shall hear it again,
Life is short, use it wisely.

Sometimes I forget to live my life
And try to remember why I am here.

So, I try to sleep my life away,
To try and get the meaning clear.

Maybe it will come while I am sleeping,
Maybe while I am weeping.

I shall probably never realize,
How much time I have to live my life, without the lies.

Losing You
by Ella Hoshi

Why does it hurt me to think of you?
Why can?t I forget the fact that you?re gone?
I loved you so much, just as I love now
Why did you leave me?
I don?t understand
Is it my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
Why does it hurt?
Why does it hurt to think of you and not others?
Did I get too attached?
Did I hold you to tightly, like sand?
Why, I just don?t get it?
I don?t understand
I can?t understand
Just don?t understand
Just can?t understand
Or maybe it is just I won?t understand.

My Beloved Horse, Tasha
by Ella Hoshi

I love my horse, Tasha, so much.
I loved her so much, that I even shared, with her, my lunch.
Although I knew nothing of her past,
I always thought that she would last.
One day she ran away and got colic,
And that day, my life was not a frolic (merry/fun).
I found out the next day,
That I had to put my beloved horse, Tasha, away.
I cried all day, and even skipped school.
This was not cool!

Dedicated to my beloved horse, Tasha Shadow Gates, the appaloosa mare, who died at age 23, on October 22nd, 2003. I shall always remember my spirited friend, and believe that she is in a horse heaven, with other dead horses, galloping in an endless field of grass with no worries at all.
I SHALL ALWAYS, ALWAYS, REMEMBER MY BELOVED HORSE, TASHA SHADOW GATES.

My Dreams
by Ella Hoshi

My dreams are my pillow
So soft and always there.
My dreams tell my story
Which is sometimes hard to bare.
My dreams give me peace
When no one else will care.
My dreams grant all of my wishes
When all I get from everything else is a blank stare.
My dreams give me solace
They won?t let my heart tear.

My Problem
by Ella Hoshi

I won?t show you the true me,
Not until you prove yourself.
I am hurt by what others have done,
If not to me, then to everyone else.

I refuse to open up to you,
I might end up being hurt.
I am already keeping everything to myself,
I don?t want to be treated like dirt.

You won?t see me happy,
Not unless you are a true friend.
I don?t like knowing people,
Unless they?re mine to the end.

I have tried my hardest,
Tried to change my ways.
I try to fit in with the rest,
But I cannot, even if my life was counted in days.

My Shell & My Soul
by Ella Hoshi

You see my shell walking around,
Yet my soul sleeps deep inside me.
My shell is a zombie,
Yet, it has emotions, too.
My soul dreams steadily,
But can be awoken.
My shell has taken one name,
But my soul is at peace.
I wish they would both,
Just sleep again.
I wish they would both,
Just dream forever.

Our Friend
by Ella Hoshi

She?s gone, my friends
Never will we see her again
We must remember
How she became our friend
We must remember
How she brightened our gloomy days
We must remember
How she changed our lives
We must hope
That we will meet her again
We must hope
That she never forgets us
We must hope
That she is happy wherever she went
There is only one thing that she made us promise
No matter what
We all must stay friends forever and for always

See That Girl?
by Ella Hoshi

You see that girl?
That girl over there?
Of course you do.

That girl is new.
She left all her friends.
Why don?t you ask her to hang out with you?

You see that girl?
That girl over there?
You see her tears?
Of course you don?t.

That girl is crying.
But not on the outside.
Why don?t you comfort her?

Slain Love
by Ella Hoshi

See in her eyes, tears that will not fall
Held in place by pride, an invisible wall.
See in her eyes, sadness beyond reason
Held in by pride, no matter the season.

You reach out comfort her
But she slips away like a blur.
You finally see what causes her pain
A love that was slain.

Sleeps Forever-More
by Ella Hoshi

A child is sleeping
A mother is weeping
A father is comforting
Why did she die like this?
Why did she die at all?
As her soul flies to the heavens above
Her body burns to ashes
The storm is raging
Lightning streaks the sky
The sirens are heard
Though to late
A young woman is dead
She was not yet old enough to drive
Friends and family all wish
They could have died in her place
But now she sleeps, forever-more
Never to awaken on Earth again

Something Good For You
by Ella Hoshi

Crying is good for the soul
It calms you down when you?re mad
And it comforts you when you are sad
It can be used for joy
It can be used for pain
Its tears are badges on your face

Crying is good for the heart
It helps you forget what you don?t want to remember
And it helps you feel better
It can be used for love
It can be used for hate
It brings badges to your face

It is something good for you.

This Child
by Ella Hoshi

This child was so sweet
This child was so meek
This child is now so sour
This child is now so sly
This child is most unlike all others
This child is most unique
This child always had such dreams
This child has become a teen
This child has become a woman
This child was once me
This child will soon be free forever

Today is the Day
by Ella Hoshi

~Today is the day,
I leave the ones dearest to me
Even though they are the ones I never see

~Today is the day,
I leave them forever
They are the ones I will always treasure

~Today is the day,
I say goodbye
Hopefully this group of friends will not die

~Today is the day,
My soul has died
My body still lives, but is empty inside

~Today is the day,
I ask the two of you
Will you always remember how close I was to you two?

I love you so much
I have treasured you such
Please don?t forget my cold-hand touch

Promise me one thing, if not that above
Stay together, never break apart
Be two best friends
?Cause now I?m gone

Who Am I?
by Ella Hoshi

Who am I?
A little girl,
A young child,
With too many problems
Already in my life

Who am I?
A young woman,
Whose life is heading anywhere,
Anywhere but the right way.

Who am I?
A confused mind,
A lost soul,
With no one to help me,
Nowhere to go.

Who am I?
I do not know.
Who are you?
Do you know?

[Ella]

Poems Made in 2007

Depression
by Ella Hoshi

Can ones dreams just slip away
As if they never were?
Can ones hopes just disappear
As if they meant nothing to this world?

Can ones heart turn as black as night
Just by one mistake?
Can ones soul forever cry
Because of the unseen scar?

Has my heart been turned to ice?
Has my soul died of pain?
Will your tears bring me back again?
Will I sleep forever more?

When did I stop eating regular meals?
And when did I stop sleeping at night?
Since when did my tears stay inside?
And why do I not care?

My Heart is Oblivious
by Ella Hoshi

I want to hide away,
To be forgotten,
To be alone.

I thought by lying,
I could protect myself
From the pain,
But it only made me hurt
On the inside even more.

Leave me be,
To cry alone in the rain,
To sing my song of sadness.

Every time you try help,
It only seems to make it worse
In the end for me.

I have run out of tears to cry outside,
Not even the saddest songs
Can squeeze them out now.

And it is all because of
One simple thing,
My heart is oblivious to a thing called love.

They
by Ella Hoshi

They brought me into this world
But I didn?t want it
So I tried to kill the one closest to me

They forced me live
Even though I tried to die
They kept saving me from my unintentional suicides

They gave me a name
And I threw it away
For my real name came from another place

They messed with my emotions
So I became emotionless
Then they wondered why

They finally realized they had to kill me
But I was already gone
All they could know was my empty shell

They just couldn?t realize
It was all one big mistake
Sure I brought luck to those around me
But no luck ever came my own way

Now they just cry
Because I came along
I finally ruined their lives
Just like they ruined mine

Poems Made in 2008

We All Know
by Ella Hoshi

We all know it?s a lie
When I say I?m okay
We all know it?s a lie
When I say I?m fine

We all know that deep inside
I?m hiding away all the pain
We all know that deep inside
I?m dying from all the pain

We all know there?s something more
That everyone can do to help
We all know there?s something more
That what I am not willing to tell

We all know the transformation
That I have made this year
We all know the transformation
That I have made every year

We all know there?s something
That you didn?t do
We all know there?s something
That I?m not telling you

We all know
I?m going nowhere
We all know
I?m going down

We all know
It?s nothing new
We all know
It?s because of you

[Ella]

Poems Made in 2009

Poems Made in 2010

[Ella]

Poems Made in 2011

Poison of the Mind
by Ella Hoshi

Hear me, for I speak to you
Listen to what I have to say
I know today was bad for you
I only want to make your day

My shot cannot be long
If I say I know what you seek
You desire to be strong
Not someone who is weak

I can give you power
Beyond your wildest dreams
Together, we can build a tower
It is not as hard as it seems

To not accept makes you a fool
For I can make you smart
If you let me taint your soul
And let me devour your heart

Now let me whisper in your ear
All the words you wish to find
Cowardice, hatred, greed, and fear
These are the four poisons of the mind

Poems Made in 2012

[Ella]

Poems of the Future

[Ella]

Poems of the Future

[Throndir]

The first poem got me hooked into reading the rest. Loved it. xD

'Because' had hints of anger in it, which was interesting~

'Eleanora's Gravestone' was nice. Even though it was short I really liked that one.

'Hard life' made me go: "Oohhh.." And added another depth of what I know about Ella. :o

'If I...' was really good too. It had hope in it.

'I Need You, Always' was sad. D: But I liked that one.

'See That Girl?' I liked this one too.